Episode #195: Controlling Leader Anger

https://dale-carnegie.wistia.com/medias/wmbdz3ix6d

I was amazed to see one of the captains of industry, a hostage to his adrenaline release. His curriculum vitae was perfect. A Prince of the First Water, yet he would explode with instant white hot rage, when he didn't get the results he wanted, and would viciously tear strips of the offending patsy.

We learned to sit on his right or left at the end of a long meeting room table where it was hard to be seen. We observed that the poor saps who sat directly opposite him got it between the eyes every time. I'm sure we all have war stories of demented leaders who couldn't control their emotions, and maybe sometimes, in extremis, we have joined them ourselves.

How do we keep the chemical release in check when we are tormented by idiots, and nincompoops who don't do what they are supposed to do and when they are supposed to do it.

Here are some steps we can take.

One, recognize it is anger, and that it is chemically fueled. When we know we have set off a chain reaction, and the chemicals in the body have now kicked in, we better understand that we have to take action to seize control back from the chems.

Two, suspend judgment. Because we may not have enough facts yet, we may have been told a version of events, and there may be certain circumstances that would change our view. Before exploding, seek more data and insight. This will also help us to cool down a bit.

Three, don't attack the other person. None of us are perfect. So keep that in mind before we set forth with a tirade about their shortcomings. Remember, every person we meet is carrying a heavy load in their lives, which we don't know about. So who are we to assume we could do any better in their circumstances?

Number four, before we launch forth inject a pause, followed by a cushion. A cushion is a short sentence that acts as a chem breaker to allow us to regain control. We might say something innocuous such as, "well, this issue is an important one". We neither agree nor disagree when using the statement, but we buy valuable time to remember to ask more about the problem background, rather than immediately verbally lacerating, our interlocutor.

Five, walk away. If you feel uncontrollable, molten larvae about to start erupting out of your mouth, just say, excuse me, and add some physical and temporal distance,to enhance your perspective on the lava trigger.

As ancient wisdom says, when faced with a killer issue, how we react is the real problem we need to solve.