Episode #210: Negotiating With Annoying People

Sadly, not everyone is like us – wonderful, charming, amusing, attractive. Despite our best efforts to be a role model of perfection, setting them a good example, others persist in being a major pain. Here are some selective tips on negotiating with the difficult amongst us.

1. Meet on mutual ground

Try to meet, rather than engage in a protracted email war or discuss complex issues over the phone. Face to face is best and preferably on neutral ground for both of you. Away from the workspace is often best, such as over coffee or lunch, away from the office.

2. Clearly define and agree on the issue

Sometimes we are arguing about different things under the same banner. By defining the issue in commonly understood words, we are a long way toward achieving better clarity about what is at stake. If the issue is a biggy, then break it down into bits that can be dealt with one by one, in concrete detail.

3. Do your homework

Start by taking the other person’s case and building the argument from their perspective. This often opens up gaps in our information or assumptions we are drawing, based on no particular facts. Decide what is our BATNA – the best alternative to a negotiated agreement or our walk away position. Also determine what we can accept, what we can live with and what would be an ideal outcome.

4. Look for shared interests

Conflict has a way of magnifying perceived differences and minimizing similarities, so look for common goals and desired outcomes. There may be a common objective but the disagreement is often around the best path toward achieving it. Focusing on the common goal and the desired future, keeps the conversation moving forward.

5. Deal with facts, not emotions

Focus on the issue not the messenger. Maintaining a goal oriented rational approach may be difficult, especially when the ego gets in play, but try and de-personalize the conflict and separate the issues from the personalities involved. Instead of being defensive, ask clarifying questions that get them talking and you listening.

6. Present alternatives and provide evidence

Create options and alternatives demonstrating your willingness to compromise. Frame options taking into consideration their interests and back up your plans with evidence.

7. End on a good note

Shake on it, agree the actions steps and who is accountable for what, by when and how.

Tricky personalities and difficult people will never just conveniently go away. Instead, we need to be better prepared in dealing with them. These practical tips will help us on the journey to a less stressful and more rewarding future