Episode #184: Dealing With Confrontational Questions In The On-Line World

When we give our presentation on-line we are in full control of the situation. We know what we are going to say. When we get to the end, or part way through, and someone asks us a really tough question, this can be difficult to deal with. Especially, if they are stressed and ask the question in a very aggressive or accusatory manner, we can easily react emotionally. The normal response for human beings in these cases can be the release of chemicals into the body to get ready for flight or fight. This is how we survived from cavemen days, when confronted by a sabre toothed tiger and it still applies today. Regardless of our species roots, we have to make sure we keep our control and a cool head. Good in theory, but not so easy.

Apart from our release of chemicals into the body, we find our mind can often become confused, as we try to think of the best way to respond to our interlocutor. We usually never know when we are going to be hit with a tough question, asked in an angry or aggressive manner. The ambush factor is the reason we have trouble knowing how to respond. If we know the person will be difficult, then we can mentally prepare ourselves. We need to have a plan. It is when the person is new and unknown, or a known person suddenly behaving unpredictably that we can get into trouble.

Because of the random nature of these occurrences, it means we need to consider this possibility before every meeting. We should consider what might be some issues the members of the audience may raise with us and think about how we should answer them. When we get hit with a tough question, we can quickly go to an emotional response. We need to consider those answers beforehand about why what they said isn’t true or not the scale of the problem they say it is. We should also prepare some positive messages to get ourselves back on the front foot and in control of the conversation.

The other area we need to pay attention to is our voice tone. We may show to the client that we are lacking in confidence by mumbling or sounding hesitant or unsure of what we are saying. We may sound like we are scared of what they said or the way they said it. We may sound defensive and even angrily dismissive of their opinion. We need to maintain a cool, calm and collected tone, totally unfazed by what they have just said. This makes us sound more confident and credible.

We should ask clarifying questions before we try to give an answer. We want the verbal assassin to give us more detail. It well may be there has been a misunderstanding or there has been some miscommunication. We need to know that before we try to respond. Letting them hang themselves on the ridiculousness of their outburst is a good ploy.

Here is 7 step process to follow:

1. Listen carefully to the outburst, without stopping them, interjecting or starting to answer them.Leave a long deadly pause after their attack. In the on-line world this is unnerving for them.
2. When we hear the complaint or angry outburst, we make sure to mask our voice tone so that we sound calm, even if we aren’t.
3. We need to buy some thinking time for ourselves, so we use a cushion before answering, such as “well that is an important issue and thank you for raising it”. Five seconds is enough thinking time to keep cool enough to remember to then ask them, “why do you say that?”. Make them to do the work to justify their crap before you try and answer anything.
4. We keep the counterattack pressure on with further clarifying questions to find out what the real issue is, so we can concentrate on answering the highest priority item.
5. We try to flip the balance of the conversation away from 100% negative to a better balance between positive and negative. We do this by starting with our positive messages. We can apologise for any inconvenience they have suffered and then lead in by saying, “the good news is… Now let me deal with the issue you have raised”.
6. We respond to their issue in a calm manner, supporting what we are saying with irrefutable evidence or proof.
7. We check to see if we have fully resolved their issue and if we haven’t, we outline the steps we are going to take to resolve it going forward.

Tempers are frayed because of the business disruption generated by Covid-19. People are more stressed than normal and outbursts will arise without warning. We need to anticipate rather than react. Consider every meeting to have the potential to blow up in your face and if it doesn’t, great, but if it does we must be ready to roll.