Episode #156: How To Control Your Reactions During Q&A

Creating and delivering the presentation sees you in 100% total control. You have designed it, you have been given the floor to talk about it, all is good. However, the moment the time comes for questions, we are now in a street fight. Why a street fight? Because in a street fight there are no rules and the Q&A following a presentation is the same – no rules. Oh that’s not right you might be thinking. What about social norms, propriety, manners, decorum – surely all of these things are a filter on bareknuckle duking it out in public? That is correct but it is not a guarantee.

There are different personality types assembled in the room. In Japan, often the English language presentation occasions are like mini-UNS, in terms of national representation. Different social norms apply in countries apart from your own. The French educational system promotes critique of statements and ideas and that is seen as an illustration of superior intellect. My fellow Australians are often sceptical and doubting and don’t hesitate to mention it, in a direct assault on what has just been said. There are also different personality types in the room. Some people are naturally aggressive and want to argue the point, if the speaker has the temerity to say something they disagree with.

What is considered rude, aggressive or inappropriate behaviour is a relative judgment depending on where you grew up, how you were educated and how you individually see the world. Even in Japanese society, there are occasions where there is heated argument and a lot of the typical Japanese restraint is out the window.

As the speaker we are pumped full of chemicalS when we get up to present. If we are nervous, then the flight or fight adrenaline chemicals are released by the Amygdala inside our brain. We cannot stop this but we can control it. It is interesting that if this state is held for a long period of time, we lose the feeling of strength and have a sense of weakness. A forty minute speech is a long time to be in a heightened state and by the time we get to the Q&A, we may be feeling denuded of strength. Just at the moment when we come under full force attack.

The face of the speaker is a critical indicator during the Q&A. I caught myself shaking my head to indicate disagreement with what was coming my way in the form of a question during the Q&A. Without initially realising it, I was sending out a physical sign that I wasn’t accepting the questioner’s bead of disagreement to what I had been pontificating. From an audience point of view, this looks like you are inflexible, closed to other opinions and just dismissive of anyone with an opinion that differs from your own.

Even if you are not a rabid head shaker like I was, the expression on your face may be speaking volumes to your audience. You might be displaying a sceptical visage of doubt and rejection of what is being said before you have heard the whole argument out. You might even be pumping blood into your face so that it goes red in colour. There is a female businesswoman I know here, whose skin goes bright red when she is in the public eye and begins to look like one of those warning beacons. There is probably nothing she can do about that, but it is definitely not a good look. Or your general demeanour is one of disdain for the questioner and you look arrogant and disrespectful of alternative opinions.

Given the chemical surge leading to denuding of strength I mentioned earlier, we may look like we are defeated by the questioner and this impacts our credibility to show we are true believers in what we said and are fully committed to that line of argument. We don’t want to appear like we have collapsed in the face of pushback during the Q&A. Maintain a brave front, even if it is all front. The audience won’t know the difference.

Nodding during the questioning is also a big mistake. We do this in normal conversation, to show the speaker we are paying attention to them and this bleeds over into public speaking events as well. I learnt this when I did media training. The television media love it when you are nodding, because they can take that bit in the editing and transpose it to sync with the voice of the person disagreeing with you and it appears you are accepting their argument. Very sneaky isn’t it, but when you pop up on TV agreeing with your questioner attacking all that you have said, it is too late. Even if there is no TV there, don’t look like you are agreeing with the questioner and control that nodding right from the start.

So during Q&A maintain a totally neutral expression on your face and don’t allow you head to nod. If you feel anxiety from the question, take some slow deep breaths to slow down your heart rate and breathing. Keep supremely calm and remember that really aggressive questioners look like dills or grandstanders to the rest of the audience who usually place their sympathy with the person under attack. We do have that Colosseum thing in us however, where we like watching blood sports and Q&A can come under that category.

So we have to appear above the fray, in control, calm, reasonable and assured of what we are saying. Control your temper, don’t cut them off mid-question, leave a pregnant pause after they have finished, to allow some of the tension to dissipate, then lob in a cushion or neutral statement to give you thinking time and then answer their question.

Here is a killer technique for obstreperous questioners. When you start to answer their question, give them 100% eye contact for six seconds to show you won’t be intimidated. Next switch your six second eye contact to various other members of the audience and never look at the questioner again. By publically and completely ignoring them, you take all the air out of their puffed up ego and you decimate them through denial of attention.