Episode #439: How Leaders Can Strengthen Relationships With Their Team (Part Three)

Over the last three episodes we have covered not criticizing people, giving appreciation, understanding wants, being interested in others, smiling and remembering people’s names. Let’s explore the last three human relations skills we need to succeed.

7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

“Some people are boring when they talk about themselves and I tune out, because I only want to hear stuff that is of interest to me, like where are the results”. That doesn’t sound like a good approach to build an engaged team, does it? Remember we need to develop a genuine interest in our people and then ask questions. Sometimes we may not know how to engage others to get to know them better. We can find out what are some key areas of importance to them using a memory linking technique - Nameplate, House, Family, Briefcase, Airplane, Tennis Racket, Ideas.

Nameplate obviously refers to their name. Are we pronouncing it correctly. I was leading a training session recently and an Indian gentlemen was relating how impressed he was, when his new boss pronounced his full name, very slowly, very distinctly, obviously making an effort to get the whole name correct. He felt very valued by the effort, when everyone else had given up and just used his shorter and easier nickname. House refers to where they are living, have lived and where they want to live in the future. Family is about their family composition. A lot of work relationships become very tight through the children attending the same school. Briefcase is about the content of their work. Talking to people about the detail of what they do five days a week and many hours a day is a smart idea. This is where they are fully focused and if we can hear what they are doing, it helps us to better understand their personal situation.

Airplane symbolises travel. Where have their visited. Where do they want to travel. What have been some of their travel experiences. Are there places they recommend we should travel. Have they been to any good onsen, hot water springs, we should consider? Tennis racket is pointing toward hobbies. What do they like to do outside of work. People have the most amazing hobbies and you can work alongside someone for many years and have no idea. Why? Because we never made the effort to get to know them better. Ideas refers to interesting information they have come across. How they view changes in the market and the economy. Have they seen anything interesting in business over the last few years or seen what competitors have been doing? What are some of the industry trends which are nascent and may be foreshadowing new directions and changes? Have they come across any good sources of useful information we could also take a look at.

Make finding out all about your people your mission and you are sure to find leading your people becomes easier.

8. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

What if you don’t know about the other person’s interests?

No problem. Ask more questions – remember what we learned about being a good conversationalist – and go back to Principle Seven - being a good listener.

We may not be told immediately by our staff what they are interested in, because they are still wondering if they can trust us.

We need to gain their trust to allow us to dig in, to find out how we can help them.

By asking questions we have the chance to know more about them and that allows us to highlight similarities and things we have in common. This makes the trust building easier

By applying Principles Seven – listening – and Eight – talking in terms of their interests, you will naturally make the other person feel heard, which makes them feel important:

9. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

We probably all want to feel what we do is important and that we are important to the organisation. Often, we are working hard but get no recognition for it. Bosses can be too focused on the outcomes and forget the process involves people making sure the results happen. We are not machines. Everything we do is driven by our mindset and our commitment. We want to be recognised for that.

Notice how words like “honesty”, ”sincerity”, and being “genuine” run through these nine Human Relations Principles. Without these caveats, the principles are simply tools for manipulation. People see through manipulation, and it’s not a way to win followers or positively influence them or be successful as a leader. How can you develop strong relationships with your team members by applying these principles and having a positive influence this week?