Episode #270: Coaching People Out Of Downward, Negative Spirals

You are resilient, sturdy, capable, independent, hardy, self-motivated, constantly pushing and challenging the organization to go forward. You don’t need anything in terms of social recognition or internal worth validation from others. You are the leader and you get the job done. Bully for you. The issues arise with those working for you, who are not like you. They may be younger, less experienced, less educated, less confident and less convinced they can change the world through working at your firm.

Leading a bunch of clones is easy, because everyone gets it and they will file into line on command. We never get this situation though, unless we are in the elite military units perhaps, where a fearsome pruning process has been applied to whittle the punters down to the right group of super high achievers. What we get is what the person or people before us hired and which the company can afford. We may be able to hire a few of our own selections while we are in the job, but with job promotions, and job hopping on our part, we may not be there long enough to rely on that fix.

We have to lead the team, as they are, with their many inconsistencies, diverse motivations and abilities. Often we are trying to push the organization forward, yet we have to rely on our team to do the hard yards, to get the shoulder firmly up against the wheel rim and pushing with all their might. Are they up for it? Do they believe this is the right wheel to be pushing? Are they convinced they can actually do it?

In Japan, we are leading a group of people who are often firmly ensconced in their comfort zones. In old Japan, families were grouped together in a system modeled on how the Chinese emperors ran their country. Broken into units of 100 families, if there was any crime or rebellion, the immediate family would be punished severely, but so would the remaining other families in the 100. The pressure to conform, to be part of the group, to not challenge the existing order was complete.

You might be thinking, “yeah, yeah man, that was hundreds of years ago”. True, except that if you have had your children in the Japanese school system here, you will immediately know that the pressure to be the same, to not stand out, to go with the group, to go along to get along, is still the tried and true social normalization method in play. So we receive staff as adults who have been socialized to not make mistakes, to not be the “nail that sticks out” because it gets hammered back down. Here we are their leader: the iconoclast, the innovator, the fearless challenger of established norms wondering why we are not getting anywhere with the changes needed.

We need to be coaching people on whether their beliefs about this change are true. Staff reach straight back into their tried and true play book, that says the best way to avoid a mistake is to do nothing, do nothing new and never do anything risky. They are negative on change, fearful, scared. We need to have a conversation around the drivers of their belief that this particular change is bad. They may have never had that introspection moment, because a fish is the last thing to discover water. We are the same. We are surrounded by common sense, accepted dogma, established truths, so we never really challenge our views, we just look for ways to cement them. In Japan, even more so.

Next, we have to get them to mentally rephrase their beliefs and challenge whether those negative beliefs are universal and necessarily applicable in this case. This is an inside out process. Yelling orders and berating people doesn’t affect belief change. It just creates solid discontent, which then races like a fire throughout the group, who all fear their turn for being berated is coming. We need them all to come to see it is worth trying. Barking orders is easier than coaching people to change, because that takes a lot more time and effort. We often take the easy path and then wonder why we are failing.

The key point is to have them own the design and execution pieces, rather than you firing out specific game play orders. You have probably done this before or are very comfortable with change. You instinctively know what needs to be done, what, how, when, who, where etc. Great, but shut up about it and let the team work it out themselves. You can gently guide through questions and suggestions, but keep the direct orders in your back pocket. If you can restrain your ego and or impatience, you will find they will come up with a good plan and then they will have the ownership necessary to deliver on the plan. Let’s focus on the outcomes and be flexible on the means to achieve the goals.

Are you actually flexible by the way? Often the crash through or crash types are inflexible, convinced of their immortality, their perfection and that their right is might. Good luck with that in Japan!