Episode #220: How To Glue Your Team Together

Teams are composed of people. That requires many skills but two in particular from leaders: communication and people skills. Ironically, leaders are often deficient in one or both. One type of personality who gets to become the leader are the hard driving, take no prisoners, climb over the rival’s bodies to grasp the brass ring crowd. Other types are the functional stars; category experts; long serving staff members; older “grey hairs” or the last man standing. Usually communication skills and people skills were not prominent in their rise to this position of trust.

What does it take to be successful as a team leader? Here are nine different adhesives to help glue the team together.

Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

When we criticize people for mistakes or poor performance they stop listening to us and use all of their brainpower to marshal their defense or assemble their excuses, about why it isn’t their fault. We have created a barrier with them and they are in denial. The direct approach may make us feel better but it leads nowhere useful.

Give honest and sincere appreciation

Snowing staff with false praise, fake appreciation doesn’t work. People have well tuned gauges for flattery. When they detect it they do two things: they ignore it and they don’t ever fully trust the perpetrator. They are saying to themselves, “Do you think I am that dumb?”.

Instead we need to become “good finders”. Look for what people are doing well and recognise it. When we give appreciation, be very specific about what they did well, this makes it real. Look for strengths to develop, rather than trying to pull people down because they are not perfect.

Arouse in the other person an eager want

As leaders we want a lot of things to happen. Our targets, accountabilities and directives from above drive us. It can very quickly become all about “me” and what “I” want. Others are not that excited about what we want compared to what they want for themselves. If we can coalesce what we want with what others want we will do a lot better in terms of getting cooperation and achieving our desired outcomes. This is a communication skill we absolutely need to master.

Become genuinely interested in other people

We are all firmly attached to ourselves. We are the center of our universe and we want all things that are good to flow to us. As the leader though, you have to flip that self-absorption and get focused on your people. You can work 100 plus hours a week, but your team of 10, only working a 40 hour week can out work you with four times the input of hours. So working 100 hours yourself is dumb and getting your team fired up and working at peak performance is smart. Why would they do that? Because they feel there is something attractive in it for them.

They feel that way because the leader has been an excellent communicator to explain the connection between hitting their own goals and hitting the firm’s goals. They are committed because they trust the leader.

When Dale Carnegie did it’s global study on the emotional drivers of engagement, they found that “feeling valued” by the immediate supervisor was the trigger to having people become highly engaged. You have to know what your team values, in order to help them understand they are highly valued. Your values are only interesting to you. Their values, for them, are the key. Once you are really genuinely interested in your team, you will naturally understand what they value Then you can arrange for good things to happen for them, based on what they want, not what you want.

Smile

We think we smile but we do it more rarely than we imagine. We are swimming through a flood tide of emails, meetings and reporting every week. We are under pressure to produce the goods. Our internal rivals are nipping at our heals, our external competitors are making life hell. It becomes hard to smile. What our team sees is a serious face, maybe an explosive face when the pressure gets too much. Our mood everyday is the barometer of how the team feels. If we are stressed out we transfer that stress to everyone and take their mood straight down. We have to be up, regardless of the pressure, the irritations, the stress Remember to smile and pass this over to your team, to keep their mood positive

Remember names

Presumably you can remember your team’s names. However, in a big organisation that may not be that easy. In Japan in larger operations, it is interesting that often colleagues can’t remember their workmate’s personal name, only their family name. You need to send an email and you ask, “what is so and so’s personal name?”. The answer is often, “I don’t know”.

Do you know the names of those staff in the teams of your direct reports? In a small team, do you know the name of their spouse, partner, kids, pooch, pussy, etc.? being able to recall the family member’s names is a big plus, because it shows a level of attention and interest and people appreciate that. When you meet someone at a networking event and they greet you by name and you have no clue who they are, that is always a moment for reflection on your ability to recall names.

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves

We want to be heard, to have our input appreciated, valued. We want recognition for our ideas and contribution. A big part of making us feel this way, is the way the other person interacts with us. If they are really leaning in and listening carefully to what we are saying we feel valued. If they are doing fake listening, we can sense it. If they are just listening so they can butt in and make their point, we feel that is insulting. So, the leader needs to stop whatever they are doing, look the person in the eye and really open the ears up and listen. Don’t second guess what they are going to say, don’t finish their sentences for them, don’t jump in over the top and interject your thoughts.

Get them talking. We know what we know, but when we let the other person speak we know what we know and we will come to learn what they know as well. People love to talk about themselves, their accomplishments, their hobbies, their troubles, their family. Let them. They will feel valued because most people couldn’t be bothered listening because they want to do all the talking themselves, about themselves!

Talk in terms of the other person’s interests

We feel close and comfortable with people who are like us. So, when speaking with the team, get into furious agreement by creating context around their interests, so they are aligned with the organization’s interests. Look for the win-win in everything, articulate it and keep reinforcing it.

Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely

This sounds easy, except that we are often tied up in what makes us feel important. Fake praise is spotted quickly and both we and the fake praise are instantly disregarded. Always be looking to find ways to tie the team member’s contribution into the big picture. The rat on the treadmill can feel that what they are doing is rather low value, unappreciated and perhaps even pointless. This is where the leader comes in. They need to connect the dots and explain that this person’s role is important, that they are appreciated and that what they do matters.