Episode #194: Leaders Who Can't Listen

Dynamic, powerful, driven, single-minded leaders get stuff done. They are resourceful, disciplined, patient, highly demanding of themselves. They are often poor listeners. They are so focused on making things happen, getting decisions executed, pushing through, that conversations become monologues rather than dialogues. They are so into their thing, that they want to talk about that and not much else. Often they are the founder of the business or someone sent in to turn it around.

Crash through or crash is tattooed on the inside of their brain. In Japan, if you are an entrepreneur, then you have additional hurdles to overcome. The process of overcoming them sets up a style, a default operating procedure where you have to push like crazy to get anything done in this country.

The danger is the under done listening component of the skill base can be denying access to opportunities. Vital information isn't being processed. This is because the leader is only operating with a push out approach and no or very little drag in. Rather than carefully listening to the client, the dynamic leader wants to tell the client about a whole range of exciting things coming up. The powerful desire to drive through is not free. Missing clues, hints, subtle references has an opportunity cost.

Because these leaders are so result focused they have pretty low self-awareness. They are oblivious to the signals. They just don't see their listener’s frustration with being assaulted with all of this energy, passion and commitment. All good things, but usually good things for us but of relative interest to the listener who is also selfishly self absorbed. They want their moment in the sun too, but they don't get it.

In sales we say "selling isn't telling" and leaders are salespeople. They are selling a vision for the future, a direction, a corporate culture, a business plan, a set of values. Just hammering people with the content by occupying all the air waves and trying to beat people into submission doesn't work. Another sales quote, " a man convinced against his will, is of the same conviction still". And this is what happens. Steamrolling over the top of the listener may make the leader feel bolshie and good, but the listener is not really sold.

What should leaders be doing? Slowing down is against their dynamic natures, but a lot is revealed when they do this. The listener is given more chances to comment. When we are talking at someone we only know what we already know. When the other person can contribute and make it a dialogue, we have the chance to learn new things or gain new perspectives. We also build the relationship. We are showing respect for the other person and they appreciate it. They become a supporter because they have a sense of engagement with the issue, rather than feeling like a casual observer of something that has very little to do with them.

Asking questions is a simple but important way of engaging the other person. When they are feeling engaged they are more cooperative, more loyal, more resourceful. And this is particularly the case with staff.

In Japan, trying to get things done requires Herculean strength and perseverance. You have to push hard. It can become a bad habit. We also need to grow bigger ears and listen more. That means we have to shut up and let the other person speak. If we have been powering through work, driving everything, then the staff have been trained to not contribute. They become very passive, just waiting around for the next feeding session from the rampant boss.

Asking questions has to become the new operating procedure rather than a one time daliance. It has to be done consistently to demonstrate to the staff that they count and their opinions are valued. They have to see this process repeated before they will have confidence to lodge an opinion. The reaction to the opinion is also critical. If we cut them off, criticise or dismiss what they say, they learn their opinion isn't important. Subsequently,they keep it to themselves after that.

There is a balance between being dynamic and being inclusive. We can't do it all on our own. We need clients, we need advice, we need insight. We need to empower our staff not overpower them. The power-right-on-through model can become the default if we are not careful. It usually happens without us even knowing it. This is where our poor self awareness starts to hurt us. Stop what you are doing and listen. Are you really listening? Are you getting suggestions from your team or is it an idea free zone at your shop, with a muzak like monotone soundtrack? Just you!!!