Episode #90 Negotiating With The Difficult

We are all amateurs when it comes to negotiating. Very few of us bother to study about it, because it seems removed from our everyday. It is the lore of movies, where tough negotiations are portrayed as gladiatorial encounters. When we do get into a negotiation, we have no plan and little clue about what we should be doing. So today, we introduce with some ideas about negotiating to better prepare ourselves for that day when we have to conduct a negotiation in business.

Welcome back to this weekly edition every Tuesday of "THE Cutting Edge Japan Business Show"

I am your host Dr. Greg Story, President of Dale Carnegie Training Japan and best selling author of Japan Sales Mastery. We are bringing the show to you from our High Performance Center in Akasaka in Minato-ku, the business center of Tokyo.

Why the Cutting Edge?

In this show, we are looking at the critical areas for success in business in Japan. We want to help advance everyone’s thinking so that we be at the forefront, the Cutting Edge, of how to flourish here in this market.

Before we get into this week’s topic, here is what caught my attention lately.

Bank passbooks have been a staple of banking in japan, along with many hour waits for the most mundane of processes. Major lender MUFG will no longer issue paper passbooks from now to most customers who open new accounts over the counter. They want us all to move on-0line to help them reduce costs. The banks have to pay two hundred yen stamp duty annually to the government for every passbook they issue. Expect the other major banks to follow suit. In other news, Amazon and major super market chain Life will tie up to sell fresh food on-line. The target market for this service are the elderly and customers too busy to shop. Amazon is touting delivery times as fast as two hours. Amazon japan expects to be able to expand its product offerings while the supermarket hopes to reach a younger customer demographic and people who live in areas without stores. Finally, farm damage from bad weather and disasters totaled five hundred and sixty billion yen or over 5 billion dollars last year. The number is the second highest in the last ten years, after the 2011 earthquake, tsunami and nuclear reactor meltdown disasters.

This is episode number ninety and we are talking about Negotiating With The Unpleasant Soredewa ikimasho, so let's get going.

Sadly, not everyone is like us – wonderful, charming, amusing, attractive. Despite our best efforts to be a role model of perfection, setting them a good example, others persist in being a major pain. Here are 12 selective tips on negotiating with the difficult amongst us.

1. Have a positive attitude
Sounds like a motherhood statement but deciding to see the negotiation as a learning experience in the real laboratory of life, as a means to enhance our win-win negotiating skills, changes the starting point of the discussion in our favour.

2. Meet on mutual ground
Try to meet, rather than engage in a protracted email war or discuss complex issues over the phone. Face to face is best and preferably on neutral ground for both of you. Away from the workspace is often best, such as over coffee or lunch, away from the office.

3. Clearly define and agree on the issue
Sometimes we are arguing about different things under the same banner. By defining the issue in commonly understood words, we are a long way toward achieving better clarity about what is at stake. If the issue is a biggy, then break it down into bits that can be dealt with one by one, in concrete detail.

4. Do your homework
Start by taking the other person’s case and building the argument from their perspective. This often opens up gaps in our information or assumptions we are drawing, based on no particular facts. Decide what is our BATNA – the best alternative to a negotiated agreement or our walk away position. Also determine what we can accept, what we can live with and what would be an ideal outcome.

5. Take an honest inventory of yourself
Be more self-aware of aspects of your personality and style which may help or hinder the negotiations. Nominate your “hot buttons”, which if they get pushed, triggers an explosion inside you and decide not to allow yourself to react that way. Watch your language and tone, as these usually go straight to the default mode in arguing and you probably don’t want to go there.

6. Look for shared interests
Conflict has a way of magnifying perceived differences and minimizing similarities, so look for common goals and desired outcomes. There may be a common objective but the disagreement is often around the best path toward achieving it. Focusing on the common goal and the desired future, keeps the conversation moving forward.

7. Deal with facts, not emotions
In sport we say play the ball not the opponent. So we should focus on the issue not the messenger. Maintaining a goal oriented rational approach may be difficult, especially when the ego gets in play, but try and de-personalize the conflict and separate the issues from the personalities involved. Instead of being defensive, ask clarifying questions that get them talking and you listening.

Find out more when we come back from the break

Welcome back. If you would like to get some training on negotiations, we will be holding a one day programme in English on November twenty seventh and in Japanese on December ninth. Details are on our website enjapan.dalecarnegie.com. Back to the show.

8. Be honest
Be honest and transparent about what is important to you and why. Clearly state your goals, issues and objectives so the other side can grasp where you are coming from. Don’t assume it is obvious, because it probably isn’t. If only common sense was more common!

9. Present alternatives and provide evidence
Create options and alternatives demonstrating your willingness to compromise. Frame options taking into consideration their interests and back up your plans with evidence.

10. Be an expert communicator
Be clear, be clear, be clear. Ask questions, paraphrase for understanding and always check for their understanding of what you are saying. Miscommunication is often the major culprit in conflict.

11. End on a good note
Shake on it, agree the actions steps and who is accountable for what, by when and how.

12. Enjoy the process
Reflect and learn from every negotiation. Have your own criteria to evaluate the process and solution then write it down as a record for future reference. See your own growth being aided by understanding and learning from different points of view.

Tricky personalities and difficult people will never just conveniently go away. Instead, we need to be better prepared in dealing with them. We can keep repeating the same procedures and wonder why we never get a better result or we change our approach. Einstein’s definition of being crazy by the way, was to keep doing the same things but expect a different result. Don’t go crazy - these practical tips will help us on the journey to a less stressful and more rewarding future.

Action Steps

1. Have a positive attitude
2. Meet on mutual ground
3. Clearly define and agree on the issue
4. Do your homework
5. Take an honest inventory of yourself
6. Look for shared interests
7. Deal with facts, not emotions
8. Be honest
9. Present alternatives and provide evidence
10. Be an expert communicator
11. End on a good note
12. Enjoy the process

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Our website details are on screen now, enjapan.dalecarnegie.com, it is awesome value, so check it out. Remember, if you would like to get some training on negotiations, we will be holding a one day programme in English on November twenty seventh and in Japanese on December ninth. Details are on our website enjapan.dalecarnegie.com

Please leave me some feedback on YouTube, I would love to know how this show helped and what other topics you are interested in for me to cover. Remember I am here as a free resource to help you, so just tell me how I can help you best.

You might also enjoy my podcasts. Look for the Leadership Japan Series, The Presentations Japan Series and The Sales Japan series wherever you get your podcasts.

In episode ninety one we are talking about don’t mystify me with your presentation please . Find out more about that next week.

So Yoroshiku Onegai Itashimasu please join me for the next episode of the Cutting Edge Japan Business Show

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