Episode #13: Seven Checkpoints To Cool Down Your Anger With Idiots

People skills are really one of the key basics of leadership. Fortunately, leading is easy. Getting others to follow us is the tricky bit. I hope this isn’t new information, but not everyone is like you, so how do you get the team to follow you? Especially how to get others, who are so totally different from you, who are “difficult”, to follow you or support you?

Central to working well with difficult people is understanding ourselves. Yes, they are difficult, but why do we think so? Isolating out the annoyance factors helps us to pinpoint how to handle situations where we react or possibly overreact. Here are seven checkpoints we can employ.

1. Reflect on the past occasions when we have found difficulty with others is a good reality check. Here is a hint on how to do that – think of someone you consider difficult to work with, see that individual in your mind’s eye. Now ask yourself two simple questions – what is it about them precisely, that makes me see them as difficult? Second question – how have I typically reacted when dealing with this person, and what have been the consequences of those reactions? Take a pass on the psychobabble, but consider that this exercise offers up some critical insights into ourselves. Want change – start with you!

2. Ask yourself, are there particular “hot buttons” that trigger a strong reaction, like being told “no” to something you seek. Do you notice that you quickly become defensive, take things personally or do you find yourself exemplifying “the best defense is attack” principle? Double check if your body language is screaming at that person, without you being completely aware of it?

3. Presume everybody you meet in life is carrying a heavy load. Think about your own troubles – perfection doesn’t last all that long and before you know it, stress begins to well up. They are probably the same.

4. Asking questions instead of giving direct orders works well, because you invite them to have some influence and ownership over the decision.

5. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.This is useful because it precludes people becoming defensive and locking themselves into inflexible positions to save their face.

6. Letting the other person save face is good plain advice.Don’t win the battle and humiliate the other party. They won’t forget or forgive and you may lose the war over the longer game.

7. Making the other person happy about doing what you suggest is not so easy.However, if we really analyse that person and the personality drivers in play within them, we can find some common ground that will appeal to their self-interest and we can unite behind that to go forward.

Before you blow up, quickly run this checklist through your mind: Reflect on the past occasions when we have found difficulty with others, ask yourself, are there particular “hot buttons” that trigger a strong reaction, always presume everybody you meet in life is carrying a heavy load, ask questions instead of giving direct orders, call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly, let the other person save face, make the other person happy about doing what you suggest.