Episode #567: Tough Love Or Fake Praise To Motivate Staff In Japan

This tough love or fake praise alternative is a dubious construct. Are these two alternatives really the only options? For some leaders they may feel that the staff are getting paid to do a professional job and their corresponding need is to get on with it. The boss doesn’t need to be pandering to their needs. This is especially the case toward these self-indulgent, coddled, spoiled brats who are now entering the workforce. Giving this lot praise is fake and not needed, is the view.

I certainly grew up in the “tough love” era of business leadership. Praise wasn’t heard, and all you got was a hard time about not doing things well enough or fast enough. They weren’t singling me out for a hard time, because this is what we all got. In that sense, it was very democratic. When you are raised that way in business, you think that is normal and how things are done, because the most experienced leaders in the company all operated that way.

Today, the problems arise thick and fast when you take this as your own operating standard and start handing out tough love to your own people. Combining this mindset with youthful ambition is a powerful and potentially highly toxic cocktail which can end in disaster. Today, Japanese young people are in short supply and they are not interested in tough love or fake praise.

It sounds silly to raise the question about “how to praise people”, but if you are not raised that way in business, it is not natural to you. The danger is you try too hard and it comes across as completely fake. Flattery is instantly dismissed. Your standing goes down the drain too, as you are perceived to be an idiot.

There are many opportunities where we can look to praise our staff. One is “things” and although it looks easy, it is actually the most tricky. Frankly, I would avoid this one altogether, even though it looks like the simplest thing to do.

They may have in their possession something very impressive or nice. Today, men commenting on how women are dressed or do their hair or whatever is bound to be seen the wrong way from what you intend. The next thing you know HR is involved concerned about your “sexual harassment” of the female staff.

You might comment on your staff’s watch or pen or briefcase or some object they have chosen. This is definitely on the cusp of fake praise, so it has to be handled very delicately.

For example, I am not particularly into watches, so me praising someone for their watch may easily be revealed for what it is – desperation to find something to be positive about. Better to find something you are knowledgeable about and recognise they have done well with acquiring an object you can recognise. Praise it and be able to back it up with some insider knowledge.

Recognising people’s achievements is safer ground and more relevant in the workplace. The point is “good job” is highly dubious, as praise and reeks of flattery and insincerity. You might think this passes muster, but believe me, it does not. Every person has multiple projects underway, and their job content is incredibly various. “Good job” is by no means specific enough to get anyone excited about receiving that style of praise. Exactly what was it they did that you want to recognise? Call out the precise achievement, such as a report they prepared or a contribution in the meeting or anything solid and concrete.

Personal strengths and characteristics are powerful fodder for praise, but again, be very careful about wandering into what sounds like flattery. “You are very intelligent” will set off alarm bells immediately in the recipient. It is like “good job” and so is broad and fuzzy. No one has a clue regarding what you are talking about. We have to link the praise to the action. They may have come up with an insight in the meeting and it may have been a very intelligent observation. When you connect the dots like that, then the praise will land.

If you say, “you are resilient” that again is tremendously vague. What did they do which demonstrated their resilience? How did this come to your attention? Why do you know they are resilient? Bring the evidence and paste it to the praise. Otherwise, the whole effort will be tossed out as fake. In fact, you wind up creating more problems for yourself than if you had just kept your head down and concentrated on doing your own work and praised no one.

In all of these cases, we need to relate the recognition to something we have witnessed, describe it and then encourage them to keep doing it. Tough love won’t fly anymore and trying to replace it with “praise light and fluffy” will be a train wreck. We need to be very careful to make sure we do praise our people and be particularly careful about how we do that.