Episode #563: Using Dale Carnegie’s Human Relations Principles For Effective Coaching

Effective leaders actively coach their staff and move them through four stages. In Phase One, they create a psychologically safe environment. In Phase Two, they engage the team members. In Phase Three, they evaluate the response to those engagement activities and finally, in Phase Four, they empower their subordinates. Let’s choose some of the most appropriate Dale Carnegie Human Relations Principles to help us execute on these four phases as a coach.
Phase One: Psychologically Safe Environment.

Principle 10 recommends that the only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. This makes sense because how often do those arguing with us become convinced we are right? Never. Rather, they dig their heels in and argue the point with us. If we want to keep the relationship with our staff and create a calm atmosphere, it is better to not go there.

Principle 11 says to show respect for the other person’s opinion and to never say they are wrong. Bosses often think they have to coach people who hold a different viewpoint. No need for that, because remember, we don’t have to make decisions based on their opinion. We can come to our own conclusion and we certainly don’t have to belittle their perspective and demotivate them.

Principle 12 is a difficult one for the boss. If we are wrong, we should admit it quickly and emphatically. The boss can get tied up with their own status and infallibility as prerequisites for being in charge of others. If we can admit our own mistakes, it allows us to grant our team members the scope to make mistakes. The process of innovation is often messy and mistakes will happen. If we want people to come out of their comfort zone, then mistakes are bound to occur. We have to see mistakes as part of the learning process and we can begin with being humble ourselves.

Phase Two: Engage The Team Members

Principle 13 is beginning in a friendly way which at first blush seems ridiculous. Actually, we think we are friendly, but we may be very outcome oriented. We get straight to the bottom line and forget we are talking to people. Instead of going for the results, we could begin with some friendly banter and build the relationship first and then get to the numbers.

Principle 14 is getting the staff member to say “yes, yes” immediately, which can sound like manipulation. What we are talking about here, though, is to make it easy for them to say “yes” to what we propose. We do this through using our communication skills to frame the conversation in a way which makes agreement simple. This is a key coaching skill.

Principle 15 suggests letting the other person do a great deal of the talking. This is a boss special to avoid. We like to do all the talking. Rather, we should let the person feel ownership of their work and hear their ideas and opinions, rather than rattling off orders like a mad pirate captain.

Phase Three: Evaluate The Response
Principle 16 is let the other person feel that the idea is theirs and this also sounds like manipulation. What we really want is for them to come up with their own ideas. We may need to seed that idea formation, and that is much better than telling them our idea. Given the same context, it is natural to reach a common conclusion. We bosses often go directly to the punchline and forget to share the background and context with them.

Principle 17 says to walk in their moccasins and see things from their viewpoint. As the boss, we may have a very strong viewpoint and will always be driving for results. Their position is different from ours and we need to keep that in mind when they may not respond as we expect. It becomes easier to coach people when we understand what they think and what they want.
Principle 18 recommends to be sympathetic with their ideas and desires. There can be one mountain top but that doesn’t mean only the boss has the path to the top. There can be many tracks to take and perhaps they choose one different from us. That doesn’t mean we are right and they are wrong.

Phase Four: Empower The Team

Principle 19 says appeal to their better selves. The majority of people want to do a good job and want the company to succeed. If we make this our starting point, we will talk to our staff in a positive, forward looking manner. We give them a high reputation to live up to and they do the rest to fulfill that expectation.

Principle 20 says we should dramatise our ideas. This makes sense in a modern world where so much is coming at us and at warp speed. If we want to have an impact, we have to break through all the brain clutter and grab their attention.

Principle 21 specifies to throw down a challenge. Stretch goals are often set so high that everyone just concludes the goals are impossible and they give up. There is a line in there somewhere that allows everyone to push further, believing it is possible to get the result. This is another key skill of the coach. We have to know our people well and be clear about their individual capabilities to get the settings correct.

The Dale Carnegie Principles are easy to understand, but not so easy to live. If we work on them, though, we will do a much better job to coach our team members.